I woke this morning with you in my thoughts, nothing new there. I sat for a moment and thought about the sting in my heart, the sadness in which it carried. I thought about the things i would do if you were with us today, if i was able to reach you and what i would say. It reminded me of that song i hear……
if i would have know , that you wouldn’t be here anymore, i would have made the moments last a little longer…
now your just a memory in my mind, i would have givin anything to say goodbye.
( https://www.facebook.com/kylehumemusic)
I know that no matter what i did or didn’t do i was unable to change the out come of that day, though that does not give me the relief that i had hoped it would. I know that they say time heals all wounds and i find myself wondering what they mean by that exactly. Heal how? not as exposed in the pain, not as missed in the daily routine. I have yet to figure that out.
With Thanksgiving quickly approaching so are the visions of you, the trials and tribulations of some failed attempts at our non traditional dinners. The lack of organization we seemed to have when it came to creating our thanksgiving meal. oh my god all i can think about right now is how hard the scalloped potatoes were that one year…lol As i do every year since you have been gone i will make scalloped potatoes. Last year you would have been impressed, you and your extraordinary pallet would have been more than pleased. not to toot my own horn however i am going to say they were the best. 🙂 perfect amount of cheese, perfect amount of thyme, they were pretty darn perfect.
And even though it has been awhile, i have to tell you i miss you today like i have many other days before. I appreciate that if i were to close my eyes i can still see you as clearly today as if you were standing right in front of me. In some weird way it gives me comfort in believing that your as not as out of my reach as death has once convinced me you were. Maybe that is what they mean by time heals all wounds. Maybe time has allowed me to be more open to having the memories of you enter my mind more often with a sting and a smile instead of the heavy sadness and quilt that my heart once burdened.
i wish you were here and i wish things had turned out differently. I do my best to live my life to its fullest, to appreciate the things that sometimes are taken for granted. I live and love differently because of you. i am reminded that life is a gift, people are precious and moments are blessings. So with tears in my eyes, a smile on my face , a mind full of memories and a heart filled with love.. i miss you …its been awhile xo