Time flies, doesn’t it though, specially when your having fun or caught up in chaos. According to some, my life seems to run a little more on the chaos side of things then the fun. I am not sure I agree 100% however perception is something I have no control over and takes a whole lot of energy to try to get someone to see differently then how they already do and that doesn’t sound like fun to me. I do admit I do have a life that has been full of life learning lessons, though I am not sure that sums it up to chaotic. I think about this fairly often and wonder why……..I wooooonder why, why she ran away and I wonder where she will staaaaay, my little runaway a run run run runaway….do dododo ok sorry about that apparently I decided to break out into song for you .. lol maybe that is why my life is so full of chaos..;)
seriously though, I do wonder why? why do some people have such “normal” lives, some so tragic, full of magic and grace, love and some chaotic? Is it how we were raised? what we planned before we got here? or just the crazy ass choices we make? I admit I have made some poor choices and yet very few I regret. I do not have many moments in my life where I hang my head in shame and think man I am going to regret that for the rest of my life. I don’t hurt people intentionally, I try my best to be a good mom, sister, daughter, friend and employee as well as currently a boss. I make mistakes, I am human after all (though the Leo inside of me is forever trying to tell me I am some sort of goddess ) haha maybe that is where the chaos comes from … the conflict from within.. the logical me knowing that I am human and therefor function as so, then the goddess in me (Leo) wondering what the heck I am doing living like this? don’t I know that I am royalty or something so Magnificat that I really out to be pampered and am not living according to such…. All kidding aside I do wonder where is all starts, before we are born, like a predestined blueprint like some say? mind set, what we perceive is what we get? the ripple effect of a choice? a choice made so long ago that at the time seems so small and insignificant and yet wasn’t? And then I sometimes wonder is my world really that chaotic, maybe like a shared before it is what people say when I talk about things in my life where in fact they are just things in my life. Chaotic to one may not be chaos to another, as what is painful to one may not be painful to another..not saying that the pain isn’t real in either situation just ones tolerance is different as with chaos.